E.G. (elainegrey) wrote,

Driving to the doctor's appointment i noticed a few trees with a bit of blush on the crown. In general, the trees seem green with the yellow dapples of leaf change here and there. Plenty pf leaves on the ground.

I'm growing to trust this doctor more. He heard my concern about a high heart rate event, asked detailed questions, and then was able to suggest some alternative causes and describe the details around worrisome possibilities that didn't line up with my experience.

I had conversations with my sister around ADHD and then with my therapist, and then with Christine. My sister is cautiously accepting. Her cryptic statement meant apparently that her kids pointed it out to her, and told her of my brother's son's diagnosis. She talked to my brother who has apparently self diagnosed himself.

My therapist disclaimed any up-to-date knowledge but encouraged me to read up.

Christine was very dubious, suggested a certain amount of learned behavior from my parents/mother, but as the evening went by and i shared things, she was laughing how some of the ways we have just noticed as differences between us were mentioned as characteristics.

I read

Sarkis, Stephanie Moulton, and Patricia O. Quinn, Adult ADD: A Guide for the Newly Diagnosed (Oakland, UNITED STATES: New Harbinger Publications, 2011), NC-Live <http://ebookcentral.proquest.com/lib/chathamnc-ebooks/detail.action?docid=776107> [accessed 19 October 2021]

which was helpful, if a decade old. Assuming no great changes, a diagnosis seems to require impairment. I look at the word impairment and note that it's a cultural judgement and not a scientific assessment. Culturally, i'm not impaired, but Christine acknowledged (and suggested the term) cognitive burden. I do think some of the ways in which AHDH causes difference has created a burden for me.

Reading "symptoms" or diagnostic criteria said many ways and put in different contexts, i see some patterns. I am fascinated that the antidepressant i find very useful is also used for ADHD, and the language i use to describe it seems very tied to ADHD -- it makes it possible for me to be motivated.

I didn't pull this journal's LiveJournal title to Dreamwidth, apparently, but "Moving at the Speed of Procrastination" continues to be a frame i have for myself -- and there's a tie with the ADHD functions.

Apparently there's ties with depression -- whether causal or correlated apparently seem hard to untangle. ADHD is a dopamine deficiency.

I looked at

Safren, Steven, Susan Sprich, Michael W. Otto, and Michael W. Otto, Mastering Your Adult ADHD, Client Workbook: A Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment Program (New York, UNITED KINGDOM: Oxford University Press, Incorporated, 2005), NC-Live <http://ebookcentral.proquest.com/lib/chathamnc-ebooks/detail.action?docid=430325> [accessed 19 October 2021]

for a short time, then closed it up. Before i embark further, i want to coordinate with my therapist. The whole model of time management that i have struggled with for years isn't going to magically be fixed because i have a label. We have been working on me accepting that what i am doing is OK. Me trying to tilt at time management again may not be the right direction for me. I was surprised at how much visceral anger i could tap just reading a patronizing paragraph about getting organized using a filing cabinet. I know what organized looks like, i understand the goal, it just falls apart so fast and takes all my energy to keep up. I could stay organized OR get things done.

Anyhow. Off to the day.
This is also posted at https://elainegrey.dreamwidth.org/872370.html .
Tags: adhd, perpetual calendar

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