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On Sunday i shared i was resigning at the end of June with the full Meeting for Business. I think all but one of the people present was likely to know. The one person for whom it was news has since written me in hopes that it wasn't due to my poor health or moving away.
I spent hours and hours on the reply.
How to be honest without creating drama. I wasn't able to do it, really.
Part of it is it's a web of needs and responsibilities, and there aren't clear equivalencies.
In my writing this weekend that went nowhere, i realized that the Meetinghouse, a charming simple early 1900s structure, really is the core for this community. Where the meetings i have been part of have had plenty of building related angst, this meeting centers so much of the specialness on the place.
I don't begrudge people spiritual bonds to a place -- springs are such amazing things in and of themselves that i certainly think they can have spiritual and religious significance. There are groves and cathedrals, mountain tops and caves, so many places that can help one connect with the Divine or an experience of transcendence or contemplation.
However, the sacred space i want to spend time on is here as we restore the land.
Hearing in our Meeting for Business the assertion that it was important to speed ahead with meeting in the meetinghouse (and stop with the outside worship) because the meetinghouse was important to the person's spiritual practice confirmed my sense that the true mission of this community, unspoken, is to have the center of the community be the building and grounds. What would draw me in is a discussion of what is outreach to the most at risk, although that was waved off as people who can still Zoom.
The person who asked after my departure, upon receiving a variation on "spend more time with family" (now, great respect for everyone who uses that to retreat from prominence and public), expressed that, "But I’ve seen clerks and clerks, and you are among the company of the best." And, as a bit of a public Quaker, his breadth of experience is wide.
I want to write back -- but won't? -- that i'm glad he shared that. That it's been difficult to listen to the sense of the meeting when it diverges so much from my own. That i've spent a long time discerning whether i was called to bring change, and i don't think i am, so i am taking my change with me.
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Meanwhile, Hepatica noblis! Yes, white, white, white but also PINK and BLUE. I kinda want to breed colors i want. I am delighted to see a spring flower that is not ephemeral. This nursery has an incredible blue.
A hobby for someday. I don't know that i can justify $20 on breeding stock yet, but maybe i could start some colonies and see how well they do here....