## On continuing:
* if i'm going to get more out of therapy, i should put more into it.
* the best use -- as i picked a cognative therapy therapist -- is addressing problematic inner messages
## Yesterday's session
* discussed current meeting and making progress to where i feel i can step down as clerk and then slip away from business meeting and possibly regular attendance.
* discussed being thankful for persistence in my morning "habits" which aren't habits because i don't seem to have enough time to do everything, but i manage to do some of it most of the time, and that's OK
## Between now and next session
* make better notes about dynamics with Christine? (Didn't share the sister/birthday thing)
* notice when i say things to myself that make me feel bad?
--== ∞ ==--
Yesterday, I saw another another hawk, this one a red-tail, just outside my work window at noon yesterday. They perched for several minutes, turning on the perch, allowing me plenty of time to look at the feather patterns and both sides of the tail. Then they glided into the garden, ate something, and then flew off. After eating i walked a bit outside and heard two hawks calling to each other. Spring is in the air.
Also on the walk i noticed more daffodils sprouting and a clump of star of Bethlehem leaves near the driveway. I guess it's time to go looking for bluets.
In the early evening, coyotes called over a chorus of frogs. I suspect that the hawk had found a frog or toad in the garden, given the audible activity.
Marlowe is collarless this morning, much hissy-fit between her and Edward. And i moved Luigi on top of the hassock so that Edward can't bite him.
Yesterday evening, as in other evenings recently, Carrie is crawling up on Christine's shoulder when they are on the couch. Internet says either "aww, luv" or "dog is demonstrating she thinks she's dominant, nip in bud!" We discussed: not sure we are ready to go full pack theory. She's also licking her lips (internet says sign of anxiety) and trembling. Hound dogs are so different from shepherds.
--== ∞ ==--
There was a slight unpleasantness at work with someone taking my behavior to my boss. I'm pretty sure it was (probably unconscious) retaliation for not backing down. If A is going to work as discussed B must be done*; B won't be done until May. But the Someone doesn't want to wait months and months. So Someone will do a partial solution that can be done without A. Then, 45 minutes into the meeting i called, we returned to my topic. At the end of the meeting, Someone wanted to know when the next step that i needed to do would be done. Not for two weeks was my answer, and when i was pressed to give a solid date, i balked.
After hearing that Someone complained to my boss about not getting a when i felt shame -- until a few hours had passed and i realized that Someone had signaled that the work was of little consequence (having postponed the meeting once, having derailed the topic in the meeting for something else). If Someone had called the meeting and was driving the work, i am sure i would have behaved differently. My boss said he didn't think i was in the wrong, given the whole context. I didn't say i thought it was retaliation, but we did discuss Someone's snit over the delay.
* It is true that A can potentially be hacked with baroque programming that leaves possibilities for security gaps, but the division leadership we are in has made it clear that that sort of "debt" is not going to be supported. AND the person i was engaged with would NEVER agree to their team doing such a hack. So "doing it wrong for speed's sake" is not on the table.