E.G. (elainegrey) wrote,

More story telling (cognitive science, depression)

Yesterday's worship included a retelling of the Chinese parable of the farmer who responds to every event -- runaway horse, horse returns with a stallion, etc -- with "could be bad, could be good, too soon to tell." A 2009 column updated in 2019 retells it as well, as well as referencing Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl's "Man's Search for Meaning." (See quotations)

For me, my depression is tied up in a great deal of needing to acknowledge reality. my childhood had a very distorted image of me and life held up to it, which made understanding the reality very challenging. It took a long time for me to have a moderated view of myself. Telling a balanced story for me is important to not trigger the criticism and perfectionism. Finding a way to tell compassionate stories is important to me.

The "could be bad, could be good, too soon to tell" refrain is a recognition of the ongoing-ness of life. Christine asked me a few days ago about regrets. I am tempted to regret going to graduate school in physics: what if i had followed my heart and not let a cynical and broken hearted atmospheric scientist keep me from something "environmental"? But my healing is so caught up with being pushed to darkness with my depression: would i have learned the inner lessons i needed as early on another route? I don't know.

Off to work
This is also posted at https://elainegrey.dreamwidth.org/821990.html .
Tags: cognitive science, depression

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