For me, my depression is tied up in a great deal of needing to acknowledge reality. my childhood had a very distorted image of me and life held up to it, which made understanding the reality very challenging. It took a long time for me to have a moderated view of myself. Telling a balanced story for me is important to not trigger the criticism and perfectionism. Finding a way to tell compassionate stories is important to me.
The "could be bad, could be good, too soon to tell" refrain is a recognition of the ongoing-ness of life. Christine asked me a few days ago about regrets. I am tempted to regret going to graduate school in physics: what if i had followed my heart and not let a cynical and broken hearted atmospheric scientist keep me from something "environmental"? But my healing is so caught up with being pushed to darkness with my depression: would i have learned the inner lessons i needed as early on another route? I don't know.
Off to work
This is also posted at https://elainegrey.dreamwidth.org/821990.html .
