E.G. (elainegrey) wrote,

We're having some depression feed-back loops between Christine and I. She's worried about my depression, but she's not quite up to me leaning hard on her. Especially since my biggest issue is mostly around imposter syndrome-like issues at work, and employment issues are one of her triggers for darkness.

Christine transitioned during a down turn in the job market and she's not been able to get back since. I've grown confident that part of the issue is around gender and that her expectation that the will be treated with respect is not the usual female-socialized "willingness" to be the adaptive person in a relationship.

Anyhow, work issues are fraught. So mine trigger hers, and my depression right now is pretty significant. I can't easily insulate her, and so we get into feedback loops.

I have spent a little time connecting with individuals, a phone call and a long email exchange with friends. I think that's helping. And i did get some work done earlier this week that helped me connect with some of the work/thinking i did earlier in the summer. That helped me feel like i might be getting work done after all.

The next few days should be sunny and that should be good for me. The gloom and grey yesterday didn't help the blues.

Tags: depression

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