Panicy about work; journal procrastination.
* My notes on the rain: RAIN began 10:35am 10/13. Over .1" by 1 pm. Steady rain stopped early afternoon with sprinkles and dampness all afternoon. Heavy rain after 18:30, 18:38 Tstorm watching, 18.:40 lightning 6 sec later Loud boom. 1843 slackening. 1844 flash from west then quiet rumble (didn't count). 1846 going back in, hoping this will be long & steady. 20:00 foggy. 6 am 10/14 clear, stars & moon. (The predawn sky was really quite lovely.)
* Thinking of writing up notes for people to refer to if i am ever an invalid like Mom. There are various self care details that i really would rather no one know but, on the other hand, if someone had to help me i would rather they know. I think of how my aunt described her language around cleaning her mother after changing her incontinence pads, and how mom was offended by language a carer used.
* Depression, work despair. I really don't want to go back on the SSRI. Yesterday's skies were glum and grey with the very welcome rain. It took me a while yesterday afternoon to realize that i needed ALL THE LIGHTS in a room when in it to get some energy going again. Today i have the SAD lamp going.
* Also a friend stopped by. Later i realized my shirt was on inside out. Oh good grief.
* Hans smells very sour. In a wrong way round error, i dumped my larger container of starter and then fed Hans. No chance to try balancing with the other starter. I suppose i will start a new colony next summer when the blueberries come in again, and will keep trying to get Hans to work. This recipe helps me understand a little more about the dense bread i am trying to bake: http://www.thefreshloaf.com/node/46010/easiest-germanstyle-spelt-recipe-ever
* Also, explaining why i am not getting the dark color i would like: "Traditional German pumpernickel contains no coloring agents, instead relying on the Maillard reaction to produce its characteristic deep brown color, sweet, dark chocolate, coffee flavor, and earthy aroma. To achieve this, loaves are baked in long narrow lidded pans 16 to 24 hours in a low-temperature (about 120 °C or 250 °F), steam-filled oven." Pullman bread pans with lids from USA Pan Bakeware are tempting me (although not available at Amazon).