When i wrote a week ago about planning to transfer Mom, it was just before a bit of a health drama that underscored our lack of confidence in the nursing facility and kept my father and aunt out all night. Dad was too exhausted by the night in the emergency room. I checked in with him a few times about beginning the process of transferring Mom and found him oddly resistant. Finally i understood his fears: the ending of her subaccute rehab benefits leading to denial of home rehab benefits. As fears go, i still am not sure i am at the bottom of it, given the level of intellectual squirming. How easy to resolve this fear, and how avoided.
Friday, i made the call to resolve that, determining, no, the benefits aren't linked like that. So Mom can head to the more aggressive (and competent?) rehab facility without concerns about benefits, assuming the facility thinks she's appropriate now that she can bear weight on her ankle. Won't know until Wednesday about that.
Yesterday i talked to Dad about lining up care help for when Mom returns. at least the first week or so. He notes how different it will be this time, which i mostly read as he's building up his strength with exercises. (Nagging thought that i am getting to where i should be developing a routine of exercises myself, if i want to ensure able bodied aging. Sigh.) He was a bit resistant, so i nagged, and he agreed minimally my sister and i should meet with him to talk about it.
I recall that Mom was wanting to set things to rights and wasn't at ease. Her cognitive improvements might help with articulating the problems, but i don't think she will be less demanding.
There's still issues around toileting: her desperate desire to be private leads to a certain amount of denial. It's possible, if she goes to a new facility, that some of the behaviors might be resolved, but odds are she will need assistance when she goes home. Assistance (and direction) from a stranger might go more easily when she has meltdowns. It would be lovely to have an aide who could help her develop a rhythm that would allow for a little more privacy and agency.
Having a carer will allow addressing any needs and the general day to day cooking, cleaning, and laundry as they come up, without worrying about also keeping an eye on Mom.
A carer can also help develop the habit of doing rehab "homework" -- using the cognitive tools on the iPad and any physical therapies. Again, having a carer who can be an authority who can establish good habits at the outset would be helpful.
Oh, my sister and I should go through Mom's clothes. Clothing was a point of contention.
Form for therapists?
Find phone, glasses.
How do i feel? Well, the place Mom is in right now feels like a purgatory. Some fraction is because i can't see what is going on, some has been because they weren't pushing her due to the foot (and presumably stretching getting access to her benefit payments). Some of it is because it is an hour away. My brother's family visit and my aunt's visit have definitely broken up the time. I've probably done less healing my grief than Dad has. Seeing her in the evening hasn't ameliorated the sense of just waiting.
It's just been heavy.
I guess i am wanting to get to sustainability. The closer facility will be more sustainable. I hope hope hope that Mom will be emotionally stable enough that i can work from their house. The first week she was home wasn't promising. But, perhaps if we have "training wheels" of care assistance at the beginning, we could get to a state where we as a family can provide the support and care she needs.
This is also posted at https://elainegrey.dreamwidth.org/742704.html .