||[Feb. 7th, 2019|09:48 am]
Today's distraction: "Trust, but Verify"
Wikipedia has a nice background on how Regan came to use the Russian proverb during negotiations. I had had a meeting with someone who seemed clear at the end of our meeting, but then went and asked another colleague for a demo.
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Monday was a Mom day, plus lots of decongestant. We visited with one of the therapists, and then we pursued getting Mom transferred somewhere else. Dad's and my emotions went on a roller coaster ride. The therapist had suggested a nursing home for Mom, which devastated us, until many hours later when i realized it was not an assessment but a subtle "sales pitch". That is, we expressed our concern about having Mom home if we don't have help, and how we would look into getting help -- and a nursing home (like where we were visiting) is just that. Then we thought we'd be able to get Mom to the highly-regarded much closer rehab unit soon, and discovered that it would be a bad idea from the admissions agent for that unit. Basically, the fact mom's ankle is broken is not relevant for medicare to pay for her to be in rehab. Medicare only cares about making progress. The current location is not aggressive, and so Mom is unlikely to stop making progress before her ankle heals. The aggressive place could reach her limits on her broken ankle before the ankle heals, and then she would no longer have medicare coverage.
It was incredibly disheartening to face a month plus of commuting and Mom's dissatisfaction.
Dad and i sat on their patio for a while, enjoying the unseasonably warm weather.
Monday night we had a large family dinner out, missing only Mom. I sat at the end of the table with Christine and my siblings' spouses. My brother's wife, M---.... It is easy to view her as a stereotype as she talks about drinking champagne on mountain peaks, five beer breakfasts after running half marathons, various physical activities pursued after medical restrictions contraindicated engagement, more beer stories, and very little engagement with the rest of us. My sister is pissed that not once has M-- shown any concern for how we are holding up.
I know there's a whole backstory about discrimination at the law practice she worked at, bailing out to go to China and have kids without being relegated to the Mommy track, and then never ever escaping the career pause. So, extraordinarily competent woman surrenders to golden handcuffs, and drinks and goes on jet set adventures instead.
There's another backstory about relationship with my mother, which was not good. My parents learned far too late to embrace their children's spouses. I know Christine works at holding my mother in compassion since we returned. Even prior to the stroke, Mom couldn't remember how Christine and i met, so presumably she can't remember how she did what she could to discourage our relationship. It I don't know how much M-- has to work through, but since it also involves Mom criticizing parenting and children ...
Knowing all that backstory, i give M-- a pass on being ... civilized? at a family gathering, but i also understand Christine's, my sister's, and her spouse's critical view of M--'s behavior. For me, my image of M-- flips like a lenticular image: alcoholic self-centered jet setter and sufferer of existential despair.
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Tuesday, glorious weather continued, and i made use of it with a day off. I wrote a variety of letters that Christine hand delivered to mom's facility, several to be delivered to therapists by taping them to Mom's mirror. The low tech communication has driven me nuts.
Christine left, and i worked in the orchard area, preparing the ground and then seeding with all the wildflower seed mixed with vermiculite. I fight gardener doubt now, but on Tuesday the weather was so lovely and it was so delightful to be outside. Edward Cat and Carrie kept me company. The mild temperatures, blue skies, gentle sun: i was delighted by the whole day.
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Wednesday was an intense workday. Today is less so. The weather is amazingly warm and mild, 73°F outside. Now it's 81°F. I feel behind in my personal care: my morning rituals are all scrambled. I'm taking off work again tomorrow. It will be a nice mild day and i will continue to get some of my yard priorities addressed.