And some depression.
I think i may have been in denial and maybe it's just beginning to sink in. Maybe the comment from the rehab case worker about mom needing 24/7 supervision because of cognitive issues jarred me. Physically, right now, she seems to need the 24/7 supervision... but cognitively.... I realize that the physical incapacity may be hiding much more loss.
So i am here for her care and my own aging stretches in front of me. Being under the weather is not helping now, with ache and weakness making the future look like an uphill-downhill: all the effort of going up hill while declining.
My father talks about having someone to tell your story. Childless, i never expected that for myself, but i am aware of wanting to make this little patch of land a source of native plant seeds to be spread by critters. Some sort of ecological legacy would be meaningful.
Christine came home from the vet -- Edward has some rash or infection on his chin that is apparently not feline acne -- and we had a nice long talk. I feel a little lighter now.
The bright SAD lamp is on and we have lots of lights on in the house to fight the gloom outside. More rain.