It's been hard to find a term to describe my feeling. Gut punch is about it. Am i surprised or shocked? Not really: It's an obvious move. I suppose one can see a gut punch coming, the visceral response is there regardless of the lack of surprise. I'm not a person with an affinity for anger, so that's not stoked. I am a person who is well conditioned to shut down all feelings and just cope with moving to day to day. I am trying to let myself *feel*.
Oh my, time for work.
This is also posted at https://elainegrey.dreamwidth.org/726510.html .