My therapist gets ecstatic at the thought of ripe persimmons, so she was delighted to hear my first fruit tree was a persimmon. I do tap into joy thinking about the orchard, and that wave of anxiety i had about getting it Right has long sense faded. But this blasted cough (not quite a month old yet, the sinus infection began over Labor Day weekend) exhausts me and weighs yard work with a great dampening.
Right now everything i think about brings up negative responses. The plan for photo-print tea towels as Christmas gifts? A critical thought of how i haven't touched the sewing machine. Growing my own winter greens? A list of barriers such as the need for watering and being gone for days in the middle of the month and weeds and so on.
I think i am still mourning the beautiful grass in the orchard: how my heart leapt as the vision became visible!
Between the factors of asthma flare, dead grass, horrible news, and the shortening of the days i think i can explain feeling down in the dumps without being concerned about going off antidepressants. Somehow, though, i need to trick myself to reframe.