||[Oct. 4th, 2018|07:25 am]
Therapy yesterday: right now i think of therapy as a disciplined checkpoint on following through with good mental health practices. The week of Kava-NO (as Christine quips) sucked my life away. I can't imagine what it was like for those who had personal experiences to compound it: thank you, my friends, for sharing here.
My therapist gets ecstatic at the thought of ripe persimmons, so she was delighted to hear my first fruit tree was a persimmon. I do tap into joy thinking about the orchard, and that wave of anxiety i had about getting it Right has long sense faded. But this blasted cough (not quite a month old yet, the sinus infection began over Labor Day weekend) exhausts me and weighs yard work with a great dampening.
Right now everything i think about brings up negative responses. The plan for photo-print tea towels as Christmas gifts? A critical thought of how i haven't touched the sewing machine. Growing my own winter greens? A list of barriers such as the need for watering and being gone for days in the middle of the month and weeds and so on.
I think i am still mourning the beautiful grass in the orchard: how my heart leapt as the vision became visible!
Between the factors of asthma flare, dead grass, horrible news, and the shortening of the days i think i can explain feeling down in the dumps without being concerned about going off antidepressants. Somehow, though, i need to trick myself to reframe.