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Depression [Oct. 4th, 2018|07:25 am]
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Therapy yesterday: right now i think of therapy as a disciplined checkpoint on following through with good mental health practices. The week of Kava-NO (as Christine quips) sucked my life away. I can't imagine what it was like for those who had personal experiences to compound it: thank you, my friends, for sharing here.

My therapist gets ecstatic at the thought of ripe persimmons, so she was delighted to hear my first fruit tree was a persimmon. I do tap into joy thinking about the orchard, and that wave of anxiety i had about getting it Right has long sense faded. But this blasted cough (not quite a month old yet, the sinus infection began over Labor Day weekend) exhausts me and weighs yard work with a great dampening.

Right now everything i think about brings up negative responses. The plan for photo-print tea towels as Christmas gifts? A critical thought of how i haven't touched the sewing machine. Growing my own winter greens? A list of barriers such as the need for watering and being gone for days in the middle of the month and weeds and so on.

I think i am still mourning the beautiful grass in the orchard: how my heart leapt as the vision became visible!

Between the factors of asthma flare, dead grass, horrible news, and the shortening of the days i think i can explain feeling down in the dumps without being concerned about going off antidepressants. Somehow, though, i need to trick myself to reframe.


[User Picture]From: tx_cronopio
2018-10-04 11:48 am (UTC)
Oh, dear. Those weeks of the Black Dog are hard to get thru, no doubt about it. Here's hoping for a lightening soon for you!
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[User Picture]From: elainegrey
2018-10-05 11:49 am (UTC)
A black dog with a pumpkin seems like good company! Hope this morning brings you some lightness as well.
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