E.G. (elainegrey) wrote,

My brain, not working

SO, i'll try to write until it is

Contractor is here working on the orchard. Christine had expectations about various things that didn't match mine: discovered at the last minute they were triggering for her.

She never wanted to be a yard person, but she has invested so much into the yard. I really appreciate it. I get frustrated that she has to frame things as she HAS to do them, though. There are options.

One option is i learn to use the chainsaw, which lead into a discussion over how worried she is about me using the chainsaw due to me being clumsy. Me being clumsy, undeniable. Her worries, undeniable.

So for a while she watched the contractor work, like a hawk. They did things differently than we discussed (certain logs were taken to the dump) because we didn't discuss them today. that's my fault, but it distresses Christine. I have a bot more of a "whatever" response.

Anyhow, she's crashed.

I'm feeling my sorrow more when she crashes, probably due to the drop in my antidepressants. This is good, i think.

Meanwhile, at work there was a meeting about what seems like a bad idea. I thought this meeting was next week, so i was in a bit of a dither when i realized it was today. The biggest reason it's a bad idea is ongoing costs, but the business plan is taking that into account. So, OK. But i'm all activated because of that.

I have therapy to go to and worry about that time impact with the wrapping up of the grading. There's still two big trees to come down, though, and some stumps beyond them. The rain retention basin. The gravel? OK,so i'm probably not going to completely miss them.

How i wish contractors all worked with written contracts. It's just that edge of uncertainty that digs in. Like i am wondering if the whole orchard area is going to be compacted when this is done and i'll have to somehow scratch the soil so the buckwheat has a place to land. Depending on what that's like, i'll make plans for this fall. I may need to borrow my Dad's tractor. Which theoretically means he DRIVES it over in the wee hours.... Or i rent or buy a trailer. Sigh.

My phone is lousy about charging.

Tags: depression, elephant, us

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