I've often declined to write about my feelings or thoughts about the news because i've not felt the time to develop any nuance. Storm sad. Murders sad. Politics bad. Politics mad. I certainly could stand to be more articulate, but the landscape of my discourse is either heady postmodern and existentialist queries to Christine or listening to my dad's lasted provocative plan that sounds horrible but has progressive ideals at its heart. I'm not sure i want or need that to change.
But my feelings and desires for this new phase in my life -- homeowner, more prominently daughter and sister, landscape restorer, remote employee -- those need more sorting. I don't want to dig past "it's fine" because what if it's not? Working at home is fine. (But what if the two days in the office introduced a focus to the three days at home when i was in CA?)(What if the commute gifted me with a type of down time i miss?) My new Quaker community is fine. (But it demands so little.... And what about the lack of waiting worship?)And so on.
So, i don't want to face certain types of "it's not fine."