I disappeared into reading another stack of space opera books for a couple of days. I know i'm escaping, i know what i am escaping: i suppose this is a sign i should try and find a therapist to talk to. The goal would be the coaching that i seem to not be managing on my own right now.
On the other hand, i wonder if i can motivate myself with the 120-90 minute a week budget that therapy would take (Transit time, included). Well, there's a challenge for myself. If that doesn't work, then escalate. If i handwave and say six weeks is the time needed to test a therapy, and then i consider the disruption of the trip back east, i've got until September to turn things around.
There, i've scheduled events for myself. I chose the same time as midweek worship (which i have not been attending) in hopes that once i get out of the escaping habit, i can move to taking that time for worship.
Regarding the disruption of the trip back east: that has become ridiculously large in my mind. I know that inflation is related to the same issue that has triggered the escaping.
We watched the movie Mr Turner last night. There's a review at IMDB that faults the movie for being "a series of largely disjointed vignettes." It's true it misses a driving narrative. When is life truly a driving narrative? We are taught to value the narrative, to see the pattern of the narrative among the random, but as we live our life the threads are so interwoven with other stories, there is no actual narrative. Narrative is the pattern we find as we sift all that is for what to attend to.
The movie's disjointed moments of low and high portray the common, eccentric, and sublime without guiding the viewer: i am reminded of the effect of some of Turner's paintings. They were so abstracted, yet intended a narrative (with titles such as "The Fighting Temeraire tugged to her last berth to be broken up, 1838 " and "Slavers Throwing overboard the Dead and Dying—Typhon coming on"). In this movie, too, we have abstracted moments from the last half of Turner's life intended to provide the narrative.
It's available streaming on Amazon.
This is also posted at http://elainegrey.dreamwidth.org/566469.html .