||[May. 3rd, 2015|05:27 pm]
"I don't suffer fools gladly," said our clerk, as he was consoling me. I'd asked about whether i was noticeably snippy with the clerk of a committee. His answer, "Yes, you are obviously having a problem with Friend Easy Going." I blanched, and he went out of his way to say it wasn't bad and i shouldn't be too hard on myself, and his colleagues just accept his explosions.*
I listened, but also recalled the recent lectures on how i intimidated the team and lost people's willingness to engage in calls. I wondered if the clerk has someone to tell him the truth.
I recall, too, my well appreciated boss of many years telling me that i didn't suffer fools gladly. There was an odd tone in his voice as he told me that: i wonder now if i missed a subtext.
Ah well, one gets older and hopefully keeps learning.
This was after worship, during which i visualized sitting in my meditation garden mandala. In front of me was a black mess of resentment, caused by Friend Easy Going's clerking style which seems to try and pass off all the work to others. "Resentment isn't like aphids," i thought. "I can't just spray soapy water on them. It's not like rot, or like dried out soil." The black mess became a large rock, in the way of my sense of orderly paths in the garden.
What do you do with rocks? My first thought was that you haul them out and make walls out of them. The rock grew bigger, more obviously a rock outcrop, and clearly impossible to move.
Ah, i realized: the rock is not my resentment, i am resenting the rock. The rock is a thing that is. You accept the rock as part of the lay of the land, and shape the garden with that land - not by imposing will on it. (Having a visualized garden it is far too easy to impose will.)
I know now Friend Easy Going is.** I need to accept that this Friend is not likely to change style any time soon, recognize that i will have the details and notes Friend Easy Going will forget to bring, and accept that the Friend has other gifts (much more social, approachable, ... easy going) that i do not. I can use my gifts to help make things smooth.
It's not like i am being misused. (I do wish Friend Easy Going would have more direct language when making requests.)
* And also the clerk let me know that Friend Easy Going has caused others to have issues with the Friend's leadership and that the Friend is aware that better clerking skills would serve all better.
** Christine completes my sentence with "is ... dumb as a rock," but getting others to do the work is not evidence of an inability to articulate.)