||[Oct. 30th, 2014|07:51 am]
Intense week with
* crisis circus going on with work,
* my review in weird limbo,
* reorganization still mysterious (two more weeks, perhaps),
* attendance at a tech conference with an unpleasant undercurrent (field prominent woman co-organizer being trolled for raising issues of diversity),
* Christine's elephants and mental health causing her distress,
* a certain amount of gastrointestinal distress
and that's probably enough. Top of mind, at least.
The good news is i think i'm still "on top" of various responsibilities: i don't feel like there's a looming overwhelming wave of things put off due to the conference. This is evidence -- attention, attention! -- of a certain amount of resiliance and capacity! Celebrate!
Christine is carrying a great deal of worry on my account as i shared the details of various worry around the top three bullets. It seemed important to let her know what was going on, yet sometimes i wonder if i externalize my emotional response to things to her. Is that possible? For a partner in a couple to carry all the grief and ache in order that the other can be strong? How could that work? If this happens -- if i really am relying on her to feel the negative feelings -- i need to stop it. She has enough on her plate.
I have some thoughts about a person whom i will call Boundary Woman, whom i met at the conference. She's interesting, intriguing, yet stands on her boundary with a bristling, ungenerous, angry stance. Is it posible to be graceful in defining one's boundary, graceful in the face of microagressions? I think what i found horrible was the gossipy way she included me in identifying others who committed microagressions and simple rudnesses. I'm sure it is in a defensive posture, to ask for support, but it seemed less that as she regaled me with the stories of this and that persons rudeness. I suppose she wanted backup: yes, you experienced a rudness and yes, it is OK to ask a person to finish chewing before talking to you, but she wasn't framing it as a sharing because she wanted a little support.
Anyhow, on to the last day of the conference.