E.G. (elainegrey) wrote,

Yesterday was triggery. There were some excellent aspects: i successfully isolated an hour to get some things done first thing, and i got a call-back from a psychiatrist who sounds tolerable. However, engaging with the health insurance company and their obsolete list of providers (3 of 5 no longer taking patients, the remaining 2 with month long waits) did not cheer me.

Again, thank you to the three professionals who have the "no longer taking new patients" message on their voice mail!

There were kerfluffles and poor communication channels. One kerfluffle had me thinking back to my mental state a year ago: job loathing, huge crisis, weeks of round the clock crisis response work. I do see from a journal review that i was trying to keep a good frame of mind: i noted something good from my previous incompetent "new director."

I believe i have deeply offended the HR professionals by blowing off participation in last fiscal year's "Management Incentive Program" and then saying the reason was because i found it annoying. My new boss raised his eyebrows, and went with a whatever, (but may have forwarded my response verbatim). In retrospect perhaps just an abject apology would have been more politic. Apparently, one must participate in the incentive program.

While i had apparent success in the mental health professional lottery, Christine had a failure. The provider she was arranging to see responded to an email about "late night thoughts" and a query about why there was not a practice of passing on records between mental health providers with first "you should go see a county provider" and then with a simple diagnosing phrase.

Christine took the diagnosis by email rather hard: i just want to use violent methods to inform the provider that they are not an ethical practitioner. (*&@(8372, don't these folks realize the people calling them are most likely in distress and if the patient behaves in perhaps a less than charming manner it may be indicative of the problem they are bringing to the professional to solve? Yeah, mental health professionals are allowed to have bad days, have their buttons pushed, and generally be pissed off, but shouldn't they have strong enough boundaries that they don't push that back on the patients and potential patients? All of this was cc'ed to Christine's current therapist, so Christine can process it with her.

One thing about the elephants: one of the concurrent issues was Christine going off paxil after over a decade of use. As time has passed, my conclusions are that it has a really nasty withdrawal. Now that the withdrawal distress is subsiding, she seems to be coping with the elephants pretty well. During the withdrawal distress i was really worried about her, and so was urging care of a psychiatrist. Now, i think much of the worrisome reactivity was withdrawal.

There are still elephants tromping about, and i still need to let her lean on me when she gets tired, but she's got capacity again to let me lean on her.

Tags: elephant, morning writing, work

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