||[Aug. 11th, 2014|06:33 am]
I woke far too early in the predawn gloom, and didn't fall asleep easily. The last hour before trying to fall asleep and the hour before journaling, though, i have made good progress on sweeping up loose ends. I'm beginning to feel a sense of knowing what i've committed to out there, and like i can make decisions about what to do next without missing something important.
I almost missed a commitment yesterday morning: i was signed up to close Meeting for Worship, but having been feverish the past few days i had lost that thread. I didn't want to leave Christine in the morning.... It worked out fine, as i recalled as i drove in.
Today's query: What joy have i experienced in the past day (week)?
I was thinking about joy during worship, and how i don't know if i sense joy as an experience that often. "Rejoice," i thought, and i realize i do know how to do that. (Some difference between active and passive experience, i suppose.) I rejoice often in seeing the expressions of contentment on our sleeping cats, and, with Greycie Loo (who never seems content in the way the boyos do) i rejoice in when she reaches out and asks for affection.
This past week i've rejoiced in my borage plant: tossing some of the bright blue flowers in a salad of basil, cucumber, tomato, and orange, pinching back some of the faded blossoms to see if that promotes continued blooming along the cyme.
"Make Grace a habit, not a ritual," came to me during worship, too, tied up with my reflection on joy. What i call grace is a refreshing experience, washing away clutter that overwhelms me and helping me see the simple next steps forward.
I noticed yesterday evening, as i awaited my brother's visit, that i had the energy and clarity to do some chores -- with ease, not with "gotta do." I was aware in the moment of the ease, and i will say i rejoiced in it.
I'm not sure how to make grace a habit: other ways of thinking about it are remembering to be present in the moment. I've lots of little triggers i've tried to create for myself out there: i'll just keep reminding myself.
I know what woke me was anxiety about a meeting today. So it goes.