E.G. (elainegrey) wrote,

Depression, distraction, compassion

I do wonder where this blanket of blues has come from. It became palpable as i arrived home yesterday. The skies cleared and i tried to shake the blues off by getting a walk in and looking for rainbows.

All clean after the rain

The clear air, the crisp light, the saturation of colors due to the rain! My eyes were delighted.

As soon as i went back inside a weight fell back on me. To be early, and awaken: blanket is still there. I assume that some amount of it is feeling disappointed with myself with work progress. I want to avoid the queries at this time, but lets see if i can help pull myself out. Today's random choice is from here.

What do I need to do to prepare myself to be attentive to whatever way God chooses to reveal God-self? What are the potential distractions or obstacles that will hinder me from being aware or open to the movement of God?

Merghurrrmmmmm. Ugh.


At this point, Christine reads my body language and reaches over to pet my forehead and inquire. For me, that love and compassion is a Divine expression, That-Which-Is moving through time through us, and i tried to let my self soak it in. (Having just read the query, i was attentive: not sure how well i would have been earlier.)

The actual - not potential - distraction is my feeling guilt about not getting a very late commitment to my team completed. I will try to be compassionate with myself about this, and -- this reminds me of a practice i had some years back: framing my direction as "not care less" playing on "not careless" and "couldn't care less" while trying to find the balance. How do you keep a concern -- here, my failure to follow through with reasonably good excuses -- front and center so the pressure to address it stays motivating, yet not so much pressure that you paralyze yourself with guilt and depression? "Not care less" was a phrase i used to try to find the thin path between giving up and guilting up, a ridge that made treading through the muck of depression a little easier.

So, there -- that's my path for today.

Tags: depression, not care less, queries

  • (morning writing, garden, quaker notes, weather, mom and caa, f&f, observe)

    We had rain! Which means the weeds will grow (i haven't missed them), but maybe the plants that haven't been eaten by rabbits or deer will also bound…

  • (no subject)

    Not sure what yesterday's problem with the phone was that siblings couldn't hear me -- maybe wifi reception where i was sitting? as i was using the…

  • (no subject)

    I hope mother's day unfolded in a way that was gentle with memory, delighting those of you in situations where that is possible. Christine ached a…

  • Post a new comment


    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened