||[Apr. 29th, 2013|07:27 am]
Yesterday i got distracted in the morning tracking down court papers about something that looks to be part of what Southern Poverty Law Center calls "paper terrorism." A guy insisted he couldn't have a black bagger "due to his creed", and after the store owner kicked him out, he filed a civil rights violation. This was eventually dismissed in the Federal court, and he's now appealing the case.
All the court logs and a good bit of the paper work is in this Evernote.
I've no idea why i found it so imperative to follow up. It was amusing to read the five point complaint and see to what claims what the defendants agreed, but was i just rubbernecking?
I've been in the Parker Palmer class that talks about the five "habits of the heart" that one needs for democracy. I've not engaged much in the past two weeks, and i haven't followed through on the assignment to "pick a habit of the heart that you want to develop and do a "force-field analysis" on it. What are the inner or outer forces that support this habit? What are the forces that inhibit it?"
During worship, i heard that "finding my voice" is what i need to work on. (It's not far from some weeks ago and the "write a book" message, i suspect, and Christine said, when we chatted about this, that she too thinks that would be the area of growth i should pick.)
I didn't know what it meant: i feel i have voice and agency, no one at work would think i keep quiet! So i asked myself what i would paint if i had to paint this out. The images formed a narrative, and i noted the narrative quickly after meeting:
A new small voice, reflecting the voices around it.
The voices became overwhelming, the new voice turbulent with the energy of the others. Voice retreated, to a small depression, a bowl, and iced over.
With time the voice grew, stretching its surface, growing growing, eventually it looked a egg.
The egg protected voice observed how big voices disrupted and shook other voices, and then those voices picked up the turbulence, a cacophony.
But other voices seemed to resonate, voices affecting others , a calm tone resulting.
The egg voice listened and learned, admiring the others, practicing on its own, listening to its own voice.
What does the egg voice need to do next? How can the egg voice stay free if all the turbulence without the protection of the shell? yet with the shell, the voice was nearly inaudible.
This was not an easy thing. I cut and paste because of the emotional turmoil that resulted, and my following inability to focus the rest of the day.
I'm currently feeling caught in a "procrastination" pattern (hard to distinguish from an overcommitment pattern). Part of it is a frustration that i haven't gotten back to the career clarity process in a literal way, although it's not far from my mind. This above is part of the non-linear process.
Must go to work, then show up at a Meeting committee meeting for which i am completely unprepared.