November 21st, 2021


(bread notes, work, depression, f&f, elder care)

(On Friday) Work engendered a desperate sense that i need to retire before i am found out for the fraud i am. I'm trusting this is some combination of effects weighed heavily by everyone else's reorg tensions.

I have not had physical exercise or been outside for any serious amount since last weekend, so i assume that's part of the problem.

I'm glad it's the weekend and i can realign.

--== ∞ ==--

My brother appears to have enough money to buy solutions for my parents. My father has always been cautious spending money, and has been too caught in risk analysis loops to really do things to make caring for Mom at home easier. It looks like my brother is willing to buy their house and buy them a van, and that may be loosening my father's purse strings so he might do the things, without my brother actually paying. My sister and i are relaxing into a delight that my brother can make things happen and kicking all the bits of ourselves that wonder why we aren't listened to under the table to shut up: change happening for the better is the goal. (And then the sneaky suspicion it's all guy talk and nothing will happen ghosts through my mind.)

Mom's not had a bowel movement for a very long time (a week-ish as of Friday) though: that is a worry. (Maybe no one has told me - i should inquire -- very small improvements) I hope to gather with my sibs and parents to see my sister's middle school daughter perform in her band at the Christmas tree lighting on SUNDAY. I am sure Christine will not join, with her distress in crowds.

Sunday Morning Dad felt it was too cold for Mom.

--== ∞ ==--

I've baked the rye bread again, this time tossing in 2.25 teaspoons of active yeast before the last resting period - proofing in the pan. It rose up and over the sides -- this 100% rye bread is more like a batter than a dough. After baking, it has a good bit more volume and it doesn't have that sense of the top being pushed up: the sides are all smooth. I am philosophically comfortable with the yeast if i am physically comfortable. I've had some suspicion that the wheat sensitivity is a yeast sensitivity. While i certainly have wheat and yeasted wheat a plenty, i do keep a sense in the back of my mind that leads to decisions such as, "if sandwich for lunch, no pasta for dinner." I avoid wheat for breakfast most days as well. Anyhow, i'll see if the yeast makes a difference as i eat this loaf.
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