November 19th, 2021


(no subject)

Wednesday into Thursday night i dreamed a usual landscape dream: the landscapes are no longer California inspired but now temperate forests on steep slopes and rolling hills with National Forest-like trail heads and occasional farms and residences. This one, however, had life sized model Star Wars storm troopers all piled up around culverts by the road, as if many had been washed out of the woods in a heavy rainstorm.

I've assumed these landscape dreams are my brain working things out -- there's rarely narrative or symbols, just movement through space with the ease of being in a vehicle but without the sense of a particular vehicle. But plastic lifesize storm troopers? There were also rangers cleaning them up. It was an odd intrusion i cannot align with any real-life event.

In the same dream i was at a corner and a horse thundered up to me as i turned it, and then stood just out of reach facing me, breathing heavily.

Last night no dreams. I woke at 4 and thought i could go look at the lunar eclipse, but chose to stay in bed, urging myself back to sleep. I had a sense of my mind being caught up in something and needing to return so i could be rested today.

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I can't quite put a finger on why i am feeling anxious about work except to assume all the re-organization is making others feel insecure and it is, as [personal profile] amaebi asserts, contagious. My product colleague who is responsible for implementing authorization roles is not involved in meetings where the term "granular" is being thrown about. I as the expert on authorization am not as well. In a meeting yesterday, the product person was giving a reflective speach on how some decisions needed to be run up the chain and the controls needed to be more "granular" and modern.

Work insecurity with increased payment responsibilities -- car and mortgage -- is no fun.
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