November 3rd, 2020

blackhat

depression, goals

[Sunrise] It's so tempting to list excuses. The culture shock of the move (HB2 and the election). The buck that tangled with the car. 2017 and adjusting to a Trump presidency. 2018 i was getting over all that and went off my SSRI. Then Mom had her stroke. 2019 was adjusting to Mom's stroke. And i don't know what tipped me into such depression after coming back from travel in 2019….

[Midmorning] I felt unmotivated yesterday[Sunday], certainly partly due to forgetting my antidepressant, but also the cold grey rain had an effect. I felt stupid — i’d bought a book i had already read on another platform, disappointed — a Saturday task was aborted when the chipper wouldn’t start, tired — when my alarm went off i felt denied the "extra hour" of sleep from the time shift, and just plain OLD. This morning with the the bright sun in the crisp air (no frost!), my antidepressant in my blood stream, and awakening before my alarm, i feel empowered to set new goals, act as the Winter Nights — last night with moon and wind and stars and chill felt so clearly the first night of winter — is a time to begin some re-dedication -- to my self and perhaps to greater beings.

{Late afternoon] ZZZZ...
This is also posted at https://elainegrey.dreamwidth.org/829794.html .
blackhat

(no subject)

I trust that i am so behind in email because there's so much election stuff.

A graphic made by a NC group if you need it.

I have not been sticking to the news but went to bed at my usual time and woke to peak at the NY Times headline indicating "won't know for days" and recognized just how tense my body is. Ugh.

This is also posted at https://elainegrey.dreamwidth.org/830081.html .