July 9th, 2020

blackhat

(politics, mom and caa)

Yesterday Dad took Mom to Fort Bragg to shop at the commissary, with the plan that Mom would stay in the car. It's an hour drive, and it was a warm day. My sister was delighted to have Mom come stay at her house, but my mother apparently was frantic at the thought of being separated from Dad.

My sister:

Ps... dad took mom down to the base to shop. He said it wouldn’t be 80 until 1pm. I’m not happy. He said it was making mom cry when he told her she was going to my house instead. Oy. She
Annnnd just checked Fayetteville weather... already 78.
[Profanity]
I reminded him to at least bring her a bottle of ice water.... “oh that’s a good idea.”
[I exclaimed that Mom should be drinking much water after the procedure she had the previous day & said i'd call.]
Please!
I am just over the arguing. He said he realizes next time maybe he doesn’t need to tell her the truth but just something to make her pliable—yes!


So i called to make sure Dad was aware of all the water Mom should be drinking and that she would need to urinate frequently, expressed a little surprise at the travel, worry about bathrooms, and then let Dad go. I thought of Mom's expression when I took Dad away last week, leaving Mom at my sister's while Dad returned to his home to recover from his procedure. "I want to be with you," that gaze said. I know car rides are where they are able to relax together (also, in the past, have fights). They are away from chores, and "doing something," but together and can talk. So while reassuring my sister that she wasn't crazy to worry, i also wanted to remind her that they are both adults.

They are lovebirds and like to be together, you know.
Take this as preparations for watching your two kids go off and do apparently stupid things with the persons they love.

It's a fine line. Dad's overwhelm (and/or depression) and cognition at 79 and a half seems just on the edge of being able to keep up. If he could drop his obsession with how the current president is ruining the country, i think he would have more room for remembering things like what mom needs to do after a procedure. He might be less depressed.

A friend sent a silly video last night, an animated Michelle and Barack Obama singing a parody of Earth, Wind, and Fire's "September" with lyrics like "Biden yeah, Choose him in November, Biden yeah, We can make it better, Biden yeah, Reunite the USA." At the end, i felt lighter. Yes, it began with some pokes at the current president's egregious shortcomings (i understate), but it focused on how we can bring change. It's not to paper over the significant changes that are needed, that so called centrist Democrats may hem and haw over, but -- wow -- what would it be like not to have the torment of headlines and reports of just cruel and abusive and erratic and complicit and.... I don't imagine the Tea Party is going to go away, particularly given its current ascendancy, and the normalization of certain behaviors won't go away with the decline of the instigator-in-chief. And heaven knows, he will promptly grab some megaphone.... But -- hope?
This is also posted at https://elainegrey.dreamwidth.org/817151.html .