June 17th, 2020

blackhat

Oy (garden, f&f, procrastination)

Happy:
* Gladiola are blooming.
* There are buds on the passion fruit vine, winding up the tripod support i made for it.
* I found the first Japanese beetles before they became a horde and got a Neem spray done.
* Dad's basically doing well. [See also: stress]
* We are rallying around my aunt. [See also: stress]

Stress:
* Dad ended up in the emergency room on Monday receiving some sort of endoscopic esophogeal surgery. Sister L stayed with Mom all day. I went to pick Dad up, waited, and when he was finally free, my car battery was dead. Oy.

* Also, on Monday, my aunt (Mom's sister) was told by the [redacted] who is her husband that he was leaving her to chase after the daughter of the woman who was the second wife of her father and that she's not getting a cent of his money. What a [redacted redacted]. I have retracted my, "May he rot in hell," because he has said he will wait until August so that they will have been married 20 years and she can keep the very good military health care insurance that results from his military service. I also can't imagine he has any choice in the financial settlements because Law and Lawyers.

No one in North Carolina is shocked, over the past twenty years we went from mild positive to no regard for her husband. One of the big questions is whether she will retain his Fox News opinions.

There's also a whole lotta family drama around her father (my grandfather), and how he was really cruel to his daughters (my mother and aunt) while praising his step daughters in his last years.

Good therapy insight (yea, might have been obvious): my procrastination and the very self critical thoughts that turn into a vicious cycle are likely signs that i need to take a break. OK, given that, while i am in that vicious cycle how do i take a break, because the self critical voice is shaming me for being lazy?

Much to be cranky about: designs to implement privacy that do no such thing because it's a product person designing it and not an architect. Other design decisions left orphaned for us to carry out by a person who quit the company. Deer eating my trombonico squash -- not just the new tendrils but mature leaves.

Work has been exhausting. I am behind on keeping up with people's entries. I am taking Friday off. Maybe leave work early tomorrow if i can swing it because it will be exhausting.
This is also posted at https://elainegrey.dreamwidth.org/814463.html .