June 10th, 2019



My mother, grandmother,  great grandmother, and infant self (December 1968)

My mother, grandmother, great grandmother, and infant self (December 1968)

I spent so much of yesterday poking at my genealogy database, generating reports, cleaning up photos, and writing some notes up. I've a 50 page booklet I intend to leave at the family home in Sweden outlining the descendants of my great grandmother who was born there.

It was also wet and dark. Ugh. We've had a perfectly acceptable amount of rain, but other areas seem to have been hit much harder: the river was high and muddy as i drove to my folks' house.

Today we have M coming to clean for us. She seems a bit of a character, keeping horses, has cadaver search dogs and goes off periodically to do cadaver searches, as well as piecing together a group of clients who engage her not just for cleaning but handling all sorts of details. An odd jobs woman. Anyhow, we'll see if we get along. She's a strong personality, and Christine seems a little daunted.


(no subject)

9:56 M is not here yet. Christine is cleaning all the things. And anxious about appearances. Tut.

I have a little sense of lead in my tummy and a general tightness about the body and a pulled feeling about my face. I know how i would name the feeling, but i have a suspicion feeling the feelings is going to be more helpful than naming. I suspect i misname feelings, much like how i would be so sad leaving the grocery store we now go to. I thought it was missing the one in California, which i found odd, and then realized it was the stress of beginning at the right where the bakery (and temptations) lay. Once i identified it was "bakery-first" that was the problem, we changed our route through the store and everything was better. I wasn't sad, i was stressed by the temptation at the beginning of the shopping hanging over me the whole excursion.

Now i think i'm empathizing with Christine while feeling overwhelmed about work expectations (which are not unreasonable). And, you know, triiiiiip. The new theft-resistant purse isn't quite as capacious as i was hoping. I can get the iPad in an outside pocket. The very lightweight, potentially flimsy, small messenger bag i have sitting around is a nice rectangular shape so even though some of the dimensions are smaller than that of the new bag, they are consistent throughout the bag.

Also in being away for 12 days: the yard. After the dry May, rain has inspired growth. It's a jungle out there, including so many bugs. There was some black cicada-like bug out there with a yellow abdominal spot on its side -- kind of like the pollen sacks on a bee. I think the wings were solid and not translucent. Swarms of small black caterpillars eating the leaves on the sunchokes and related bearsfoot. Iridescent and rapacious Japaneses beetles.

Hmm, if the bugs could appropriately trim things back......

Also, probably deep in my psyche, the oncologist visit tomorrow.

So many options!