November 16th, 2018


Wednesday - Brain Dump

Diagnostic writing
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Yesterday i noticed the flood stage of the nearby Haw River. It had crested at 17.71 ft, likely to be the second highest recorded crest, beating out the previous second through fourth record holders by less than a tenth of an inch The water was beginning to drop but was still at a rare height.

Historic Crests
(1) 21.76 ft on 09/06/1996
(2) 17.67 ft on 03/14/1975
(3) 17.62 ft on 09/18/2018
(4) 17.40 ft on 03/01/1987
(5) 16.87 ft on 03/21/2003

Why not leave and go see? This is a luxury i have access to: i'm close, i didn't have meetings scheduled, it is OK to run an "errand". Christine could go too, so we went to Bynum Bridge (the same location as the pumpkin viewing) and spent a half hour marveling at the incredible power of the river.

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I just went out to the green house and did a quick check on my buckwheat microgreens. They seem a little "dirtier" than i would expect from all the videos i watched, but i think i could cut some today for fresh greens with lunch. The miner's lettuce (aka winter purslane) is sprouting in their pots: theoretically it's 40 days to maturity for them. We reach the Persephone Phase on Nov 27, the point where we have ten or less hours of sunlight, and (it is said) most winter plants stop growing at that point. We are back in business mid January, so i should have Miner's Lettuce to eat by early February. Seeing how long the buckwheat takes, i should probably start another flat of buckwheat this weekend.



Much gloom in the weather this week. Collapse )

I've coped with the gloom by running the SAD lamp all day and having a second afternoon cup of coffee. Evenings haven't been particularly productive.

We have invited my folks over for Thanksgiving brunch, a meal that will bypass some holiday entrenched issues and will hopefully be joyful for Christine. (My sister's family is out of town so there isn't the usual large joint meal between my sister's family, her sister in law's family, and my parents. We've joined for desert in the past few years, bypassing the dead carcass, some dysfunctions, and making it easier for Christine. Breakfast for four is a nice scale for us, and my parents were delighted to be invited.

I've ordered a Christmas tree from a fundraiser in the little mill town with the Bridge, and we have a large so-called Moravian star (made in Mexico) to hang on the front porch this year. I've gotten so out of the habit of observing holidays -- particularly with decorations -- between hermit lifestyle and dealing with Christine's Elephants. (Christine's Elephants have holiday triggers.) With my own change of going off the SSRI, i suspect any disappointment that had been flattened out over the years would have been felt acutely, so i am glad to have some plans to observe.


Eldering someone about abusing their privledge

I'm pretty sure this isn't going to be heard, but it's what i felt i had to do. I received a message from a Public Quaker who is a member of meeting, with the subject "Have you seen this?":

[Transgendered attendee of Meeting] & [Me],

[Someone's name] (Philadelphia area, Quake-ish person, from a public Facebook post):

“Making an exception from my social media break to say: Shit is Scary out there, Collapse ) If you're nonbinary, trans, or GNC in the delaware or philly area reach out to me you are WELCOME to join us. Tea and Cake and hugs for everyone. Maybe we'll record a couple of songs. Come be part of this and know you're loved.”

I replied, just to him

Hi [Public Quaker],

No i hadn't. I'm not sure why you are curious if i have.

If i lived in Philly still i could see the first paragraph being helpful in a warning sense, but i don't, so i don't need the warning. I certainly don't need a reminder of the violence targeting transgender bodies that has been high and terrible for years. I viscerally recall my fears for Christine when she first traveled outside of an urban area after transitioning. I sit with her morning after morning as she tries to cope with her fears living here in Chatham county.

Won't be going to Philly for a private event either.

I'm writing you back because i have the spoons to do so. I know how exhausting it is for Christine to have to do all the sifting through people's clumsy communications. As a person with much more privilege I can take the time and parse through and finally guess, "Maybe Chuck is asking whether i've heard about there being some documentary in some state of completion about Trans issues?" I know if i wanted to share this with Christine or [Transgendered person in Meeting], i wouldn't ask them if they've heard of it, as if the trans community is some monolith and every trans person is plugged in. I wouldn't expect them to tell me about it. I'd do the simple web search and find the website and send *that* link to [Transgendered person in Meeting] with [trying to mindread here] a question of whether she's watched it, and whether this might also be helpful for Meeting.

This message brought to you by my reflections earlier today about about a far more subtle communication that has required Christine to set a boundary so that she can take care of herself. I have no idea if [Transgendered person in Meeting] has the limited energy budget that Christine has, but signs point to yes. I've no idea if she's been attacked before, but i'd want to show i cared and understood by thinking about how that first paragraph might affect her.

I know this is a chiding tone, and i hope you will listen to it also as me sharing the ache i have day in and out caring for someone who is a constant state of hyper-vigilance. I imagine you can understand, as you too care for people who are too often targets for violence.

In Love,

I'm not sure i had the spoons, but i sure as hell didn't want to assume that the other woman who received this would be stuck with the message. I wrote her letting her know that i had replied privately:

I do hope [Public Quaker]'s short facebook forward didn't trigger you as much as it did me, and if it was triggering you were able to pass it by. There were too many problems with that message that i felt i should elder him a little. ... but i wanted you to know i found the communication not respectful of you and i let him know a respectful communication would have been to put the films being produced under (if that was his point? I'm mind reading here) front and center and ask whatever question he had in mind.