May 3rd, 2018


Cranky cankers

Still miserably uncomfortable due to the ulceration in my mouth. I had a good cry last night then went and bought too much food: rice pudding, ricotta, fresh mozzarella, (gluten free) pasta, frozen mac & cheese, carrot juice. I would make risotto but Christine wants to do something for me, so she will make a traditional rice casserole with a can of soup binder. She had Elephants yesterday, so we were a bit of a mess together.

I think back to the last time i was in so much discomfort -- apparently it was in the summer and autumn of 2010. It went on for months and months, and work was also high pressure at that time. Eventually, i connected the issue with low iron, probably due to giving up iron enriched wheat products. But i remember the on-going ache, the eating anxiety over finding wheat-free options, and the pushing through the discomfort.

I know i can push through, but i am acknowledging that i have the opportunity now to relax and give myself space to not push through. On the other hand, this is such a transitional week outside: i resent resting and not going out and getting seeds in. Was it just Monday that it was 34°F in the morning? Yes, it was, and all the blossoms on the early azalea and on the lilac are burnt. But it seems the weeds are taking over in places, mowing needs to happen, etc, etc. Still, it seems best to just recline and keep my head low as that seems to ease the discomfort a little.


Darling deer

It seems we're moving to daylight deer time. I've found it odd how i see deer in the middle of the day in the summer, but not in the winter.

Yesterday evening, Christine called me out to the deck to see a doe and a yearling through the screened porch at the edge of the eastern yard. They looked at us, ears alert, and we looked back. There's something about being seen and judged by these animals that -- at this time of year -- is magical.

Come July, when they judge me as i wave at them while they eat in the garden, it's not quite as magical. Maybe it's the time of day, just as much as their activity.