March 28th, 2018

blackhat

Tuesday journaling before work

In inner adventures [Monday], i was aware of my negative thoughts as i beat myself up over a number of things. One theme was lack of follow through on intention. I wonder if my sense of there being less time these days is due to a habit of avoidance, changing my focus to escape follow through when i feel ... i suppose it's a fear of not doing the task well. "Task" isn't a good label, as often the "task" is simple friendly communication with the intent of staying connected. I feel like i turn into a black hole, not responding or even providing a glimpse of my gratitude for connection and for the person who has said hello.

At the end of the day, though, i managed to get the Meeting minutes out, and i think i had a fairly successful work day.

I also have negative thoughts about my gardening and care of the land. I did cheer myself with the thought i haven't seen any Virginia Creeper for a while. I then brought myself back to ground -- it's barely spring. I think we're about a month behind last year - i'd planted corn by this date last year! Mustard/turnip greens were blooming, and i was having salads of yellow flowers. Potatoes had sprouted. I'm certain i've set all the tubers up for rot this year.

In stories of plant mortality, the gardenia looks very deceased from the cold. I can only say the flowers do have a nice scent and pretty petal pattern, but i generally have not liked the plant. I'm not sad to see it go. I realized it's a location where i could plant a hybrid tea rose for Christine to enjoy. There's an arc of three crepe myrtles and a hybrid tea would be a better size than the 7' high gardenia.

I do suspect that when i return from the west coast, i'll find myself looking around a transformed landscape. The forecast for the next ten days looks like good growing weather.

blackhat

(no subject)

Feeling extremely moody this morning, but as the clouds break and winter changes to summer at 11 am today (my sister says 2 pm) my mood will brighten. Last night when i stepped out the sky was glowing as low clouds diffused the moonlight.

Yesterday evening i planted pink and purple kernels of the popcorn. The inner critic points out that the layout will be ineffective for pollination and other worries. My intentional self tries to encourage that critical voice to shut up about "doing it right" and let go into the experimentation. I never got around to amending the soil this year, i'm planting where brassicas are growing, too -- it's an experiment, not a graded endeavor.

It's all possibility right now. Maybe the seeds in the seed tape will all sprout in the next week and they haven't been planted too deep or too shallow or too early or too dry. Maybe some of the potatoes won't drown. Maybe the poppies will self thin. Maybe i'll be able to get some trees started from the flat that cold stratified in the garage. Maybe the pawpaws will sprout. Maybe the chestnut sprouts will show some more growth. And if they don't? I'll learn more about seed starting mixes and .... I'm just a beginner.

Oh, there's a Carolina wren carrying nesting material. Good luck and please don't build in the bonfire pile.