September 9th, 2017

blackhat

(no subject)

Thursday morning: more Irma. There's not much news from Puerto Rico.

Thursday: Mom's birthday. My sister, father, and i conspired a celebration at a local seafood restaurant, with my sister bringing flowers and a balloon, and i the cake (or cupcakes, as it was). I could not remember what sort of cake my mother liked: she took one of the chocolate cupcakes to my surprise. Getting four different types of cupcakes was a lovely solution to how to address the what sort of cake to get question, so there was that. And the cupcakes were delectable, with creme or custard in the center. I had one of the mocha cupcakes and was well indulged. (The cakes were from the local Phoenix bakery

The restaurant's fish was also delicious, as well.

Friday morning: more Irma.

In therapy on Wednesday we talked more about changing my frame to see the positive, delightful, and joyous. It's not what i carry around with me usually, and Christine too has a strong tendency to dwell on the disappointments and pains of interactions.

I think one of the things that means is that i shouldn't think that outward experiences need to change for me to consider them happy or delightful or joyous. It's easy for me to identify pleasant sensory experiences: the cake, the basil cocktail that i later topped off with ginger beer. My sister's locally brewed basil beer. The blackened swordfish, and so on.

And next i think it's easy for me to identify my satisfaction. Thanks to Christine's coaching, as she is wonderful at gift-giving, i picked out a silly card with a crab that sang and danced and a bottle of locally produced  "Damn Fine Chocolate Liqueur". (North Carolina, where branding appears to have a strong "Damn" component... wait, no, maybe it's just the current hipster branding.) It was good to indulge my mother, although her first instinct is to announce she'll wait to try the liqueur when i'm there.

She'd forgotten how she'd serve me coffee and Kaluha after i'd driven home from college. Exams, plus an 8 hour drive, plus that drink: i'd talk for hours and couldn't remember a thing i told her. I joked it was her truth serum. (When i say, "she'd forgotten", it's tinged with a wary grief. Mom has, by her accounts, forgotten so much of ... everything.)

I think the meal was a happy family occasion. I think that is what it means to be happy with family. In my normal frame i would focus on the too loud restaurant, the lack of deeper connection. But noth the place or time for that.

The most important thing is that i am thankful to have this time with Mom, to celebrate Mom. We're all a little worried about her. She's always been dysfunctional (diagnosis is not my job), but it's clear to me that she is so much more befuddled and fragile. She's aged.

The weather is glorious. I'm looking forward to a good bit of yardwork tonight and tomorrow.

[posting saturday morning, geeze, hit post, will ya?]

blackhat

Time machine

I started thinking about myself in 2000 and how some news would be familiar, and some other news, surreal.

EG2017: huge hurricane about to hit south Florida.
EG2000: Another Andrew?
EG2017: Bigger.
EG2000: Is Grandmámá ....
EG2017: Still alive and well and in the same retirement area.
EG2000: And-
EG2017: And married to a real jerk.
EG2000: Wait, what? Married again?!

EG2000: So, who is going to win the election: Gore or Bush?
EG2017: Ummmm, that's a long story.
EG2000: ???? How can the outcome of an election in two months be a long story?
EG2017: Next topic please!

EG2017: You'll be amused to know you have two laptops and three desktop computers, two devices like the PADD on Star Trek: TNG and the cell phones are similar to the PADD but smaller. And i don't know how many terabytes of storage in the house.
EG2000: ....why?

But how to break to her the news that President Donald Trump (Wait, Trump Tower Trump??) beat Hillary Clinton (Wait, Bill Clinton's wife??? We had a woman nominee?!!?!!) potentially due to fake facebook accounts (???) and twitter accounts (???) run by the Russians? At least there would be the news of two terms of the first black president to share.

EG2017: I'm blogging this on Dreamwidth and LiveJournal.
EG2000: So, i leave tripod.
EG2017: Yes, very much so. It's easier, but you still have your own website. It's hosted on Amazon's servers.
EG2000: The bookseller? Am i a writer?
EG2017: Um, well the bookseller sells EVERYTHING now including computing infrastructure, and, no, sorry, not a writer.

EG2017: Equifax was hacked and most of the data seems to have been accessed.
EG2000: Damned credit companies.

(It's hard to be sure, but i really think i would have been unsurprised.)

EG2000: How's X?
EG2017: You haven't called your spouse that in a long time. She's Christine now.
EG2000: And ... happily ever after?
EG2017: Well, for you two. But a whole culture war has passed where same sex marriage was vilified, prohibited, and then won the day. So now transgendered people are being vilified. Christine is really distressed by it.
EG2017: But you're living in your mortgaged home, with two orange cats, a black and white cat, and a dog. You've four acres and a garden. You're listening to roosters crowing in the distance.
EG2000: Wow, that sounds like happily ever after. People know we're married? It's OK for two women to be married?
EG2017: People recognize two women can be legally married.
EG2000: Wow! That's amazing! I guess the grey boys* can't live forever. Do we have a jeep?
EG2017: Um, no jeep but a pickup truck. I can't talk about the jeep.

* the three grey cats we had.

In 2000, if i was imagining life after Christine's transition, i know i would have been sad that people wouldn't assume we had a life commitment. I would have known that our marriage was legal -- the understanding at the time was that the marriage contract could not be broken by outside parties, so her transition wouldn't change the contract. I don't think i imagined that same sex marriage would become legal, though.

Looking at the wikipedia article on the topic, i found this phrase, "undermine a right of children to be raised by their biological mother and father." I'm sorry, what?? Please explain adoption to me.