December 9th, 2016


(no subject)

Yesterday i wrote

Today is grey, but a pair ... no wait, it's a whole mixed flock of birds coming through. Cardinals, juncos, sparrows, some sort of grey tit? The birds, unless they land on the shrub right outside my window, or are as distinctive as cardinals, are hard to identify as they flit about. It's grey though, which means warmer, i should think.

The mixed flocked came through again: Eastern Phoebe flew backwards as it left a branch!

It cleared overnight, so it chilled into the upper 20s. I have a little "green house" and i'm using a 60W bulb to heat it on freezing nights. I've ordered a temperature logger so i can find out how effective the heating is.

The demands of negotiating interfamily tensions has escalated over the past months. Thanksgiving worked out, but there are lots of issues Christine has with my parents. My father's [derogatory adjective] decision to get a concealed carry permit distresses Christine to no end. And really, no end, because i don't think there's any way to relive her stress (given my father's erratic respect for others). We've asked him not to bring it here, but it's not clear that he remembers or respects requests like that. I need to remember to ask him next time he comes. And the time after that. And again... and again....

Meanwhile, Christine's gift giving instincts and my mother's sense of what is just so has also collided. Mom, "You gave me this thing: here i am giving it back." Christine, *feels rejected*. (I'll note the gifts of question had nothing to do with holiday gifts.)

And then there is the long history of brokenness, with my parents' cool reception of Christine into the family. I think my parents are more aware of needing to mend that now -- they've grown some! But the pain for Christine is very persistent. So, as we approach our 25th anniversary, i'm trying to find a way for my parents to celebrate our marriage (in a way, perhaps, they didn't 25 years ago) while negotiating the ache Christine feels.

It's tiring.