April 29th, 2016

blackhat

(no subject)

Today failed to have the focus i'd need to fight the procrastination blues. It started out well enough: the new "workflow" form to do one's self assessment leads to minimal reflection and review so i slammed that out without much thinking. (Given the imposter-syndrome-like thoughts this week, i don't know that reflection would go well.)

Next was the check-in which was tripping along until i saw a message from a colleague to our local office: a friend of mine and her co-worker had been laid off. Well, it's not quite May (our usual period for layoffs at the company) but it's pretty close. Last fall, i was planning on hanging on to life in California until this friend retired (and i would be close to completing my role as clerk within meeting).

This is another sign.

The persons i was closest to in this condo complex are gone. The used bookstore is in retreat, closing this weekend and moving somewhere with cheaper rent. Who knows what county that will be in? Our favorite pet supply store is closing. The colleague in the office who i worked most closely with is gone. And now my dear friend in the office is gone.

--== ∞ ==--

Our mortgage has been approved. I had no doubts -- i think we are buying well within our means -- but i'm not sure that is why i was underwhelmed at the news. "That's checked off," was probably my reaction. I suspect many of my emotions are not finding their way out. I suspect there's grief at leaving California. I'll probably have a few good cries in Yosemite.

And sooner or later i need to see if my camera has survived the Death Valley drop into dust and what ever was going on with the battery.