January 26th, 2016

blackhat

(no subject)

So, what is going on with me:

1) Lingering sinus headaches and a feeling of tiredness. Depression? Maybe. I woke a little before 4 am this morning feeling more mentally clear than i have for a while, though.

2) I've been taking a "Be Happy" course-ette sponsored by my health plan. Collapse )

3) I've been using a tool called moodscope for well over a year. Collapse )

4) I realized as i was trying to fall back asleep that i am stretching myself in two places at work, at meeting, and two places at home. At work, i am involved in two conceptual designs for metadata. I realized just how much i am avoiding my feelings about these two projects because there's both exhilaration and a whole swirl of insecurity and fear. At Meeting, we're reconstructing the structure of the community, the committees that structure how we interact. Insecurity! At home, i have had a to-do to request permission to collect plants on BLM land, and to submit photos to two different gallery calls. Insecurity! Fear!

I am NOT going to question whether i haven't really been sick, just caught up in insecurity and fear. That's not productive

And i suppose recognizing the fear and insecurity for what it is means i can be more compassionate with myself instead of chasing myself in circles as i try to approach and avoid at the same time.

--== ∞ ==--

Looking back at what i was writing last -- the lot in Pittsboro became far less attractive when it turned out it was brick veneer over a "log cabin" -- and not one of those 1970's log cabins, either.

Christine was trampled a few days more, but she's been doing much better since. She's composing music for her sister's documentary film as well as working on a book review, and the Hyundai is back for sale. The truck & the DMV are almost all sorted.

I've sprinkled some days off in the weeks ahead. This weekend will be four days off and i will resurrect the china project (and write the BLM and submit the photos!).

Onward!