January 5th, 2016

blackhat

(no subject)

I dreamed office HQ was eight hours of driving away. Did the basin and range and the rockies disappear? At least dream geography got I-80 correct.

My new year is in the spring, the beginning of March with my birthday. I've tried to use January and February as a dreaming time, a time to evaluate and set course. I'm not sure i want to change course this year, though.

The Elephant in the Room has been an overwhelming aspect of the past few years. We're in a phase where Christine is slowly assembling a vessel from shattered pieces of the past. I can see the progress, remember when all there were were shattered pieces. I know she's making progress, but it's still a difficult task.

I note that, because i feel aware of how the antidepressants i use cut me off from a treasured part of myself. Maybe i will see about reducing the medications, replacing with caffeine as necessary. Still, i make significant effort to keep an even keel with the Elephant in the Room shifting its weight unpredictably. I trust that the antidepressants keep my resources available to me and provide a type of predictability.

The focus on building habits, finishing projects, releasing the things we've accumulated that marked last year still seem valuable. I can't help but start new creative efforts, but the scope seems more focussed.

One lesson of the past year is that i am incredibly challenged when it comes to developing habits of doing things. I think it was a year ago i tried starting some basic intentional habits of the sort that most people have had since they were small children. I must still make a conscious effort.

blackhat

The view

With the rainy days we can open our south facing office windows without bringing about The Sauna. As i gazed out at the skyscape -- backlit, unlit, and side lit clouds playing dark grey to bright white -- i missed the Zeppelin. It very cool to have near by: a distinctive hum as it came over our house, and the sight of it cruising up the peninsula with passengers.

But clouds and rain have been much missed, so i welcome the grey. The bay area -- inland from the marine layer -- never seems to have unbroken flat grey days as i remember from the east. The sun is breaking through for a moment, streets glistening.