November 23rd, 2014

blackhat

(no subject)

"The railroad was tasked to build a line to Tres Pinos. By 1873 they made it to Paicines but did not wish to continue building more line. So in 1874 the names of the two towns were switched so the railroad could say they had fulfilled their commitment to build a line all the way to Tres Pinos."

This reminds me of some reports about work progress early on at the Whale. Then i was sputteringly incoherent. Now, I sigh.

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Yesterday i was feeling restless after a breakfast with a friend. I came home, didn't feel like focusing, and rattled about. At noon, i came to Christine and asked her if she wanted to take a road trip. She did, and as we drove waves of sadness and tension would grip me. We talked, and i think that this is the beginning of healing i need to do. Now that the "emergency" that led to high vigilance and worry is over, the waves of relief and realization will be washing over me for some time to come. The stress energy can subside (if i let it). And that's one of the awarenesses i spoke to my friend about: i need to learn to be less intense, where the sense of urgency drives me.

That sense of urgency can drop away to a more realistic level. I need to take care not to just transfer the sense of urgency that i have carried so long to my new work, which i may have done on Friday (waking in the wee hours of Saturday morning thinking about shortcomings in someone else's analysis of a technology framework).

So i will have waves of grieving, i expect, grieving for how hard it has been, letting myself acknowledge that and let go.

--==∞==--

Some links and POI about the area we drove through yesterday: Collapse )