blackhat

(quaker notes)

Thursday afternoon i met in person with someone not-family for the first time since the pandemic began.

I am aware how privileged i am at this time -- my contentment at sharing a home with another introvert, neither of us feeling any sort of cabin fever. I have become less resistant to Christine's downs, and i fear my downs pull her down too. This is different: for so many years, we could lean on the other, an odd flow of energy that allowed one of us to be in a good place while the other was not.

I'm fortunate too that my sister's family is also disciplined about isolation to keep my mother safe. I admit that i fear for myself: not mortality from the virus, but of yet another chronic diminishment to layer on others. So we are strict with our isolation, but it hasn't been a burden.

So, Thursday i met in person with C-- and discussed my clerking meeting. We may have healed the discord she felt, and she's likely to be a little more supportive of some things that -- well, she had proposed and had led me to feel like accepting the clerk role. But, gah, she really isn't interested in mediated gatherings, and as i lightly debriefed with Christine -- the blindness to privilege was really apparent.

I've dealt with the tensions of in person and remote staff inclusion for years, and the privilege of being with the in-person group and the challenges of being the remote person. Everyone being remote levels the playing field. I try to be compassionate and look for a frame for the people who find the mediated interaction insufficient: thus meeting in person with C -- .

I also have such a hard time with C-- being so attached to a worship space -- as a Quaker. Not that i don't think there are spaces and places that can profoundly affect or connect humans to beyond human experience, and the Meetinghouse, with the springs on the grounds -- the springs! -- does have an energy i feel, too.

I think i am beginning to feel some clarity that the Meeting is not right for me in the long run. I've had a sudden perception of the Meetinghouse grounds as captivating and encouraging an attachment, not sinister, but some sort of dysfunction. And the dysfunction and trauma to Quaker communities in the south during the Civil War is not to be underestimated. I imagine the experience of the families that had struggled during the war with being treated as traitors and who were resented afterwards. And many DID leave to go west, but those who remained -- i can see a particular and peculiar energy of allegiance building.

The growing clarity is reassuring.
This is also posted at https://elainegrey.dreamwidth.org/826656.html .
blackhat

(no subject)

Hi [Very public Quaker in NC],

I wouldn't think you know me but you actually follow me (@[me]) on Twitter. I know of you from [people] when they were at San Francisco Friends Meeting, from the long cc's on [another Quaker]'s emails, and from being a current member of [my] Friends Meeting in [rural NC].

I've been reading the calls for nonviolent resistance to any post election day issues and want to find a role that fits me. I went looking at the https://www.poorpeoplescampaign.org site to look for post election actions after skimming http://bit.ly/holdthelineguide aka http://holdthelineguide.com/.

I didn't see any. I did sign up for https://choosedemocracy.us/training/.

Do you know of any Piedmont groups that are coordinating in the spirit of https://choosedemocracy.us/? I saw your account when i was poking around on twitter and i realized you might actually have some good pointers

Thank you so much for your time (and changes at [Quaker college] i hold in the Light.)

In Love,
[me]
This is also posted at https://elainegrey.dreamwidth.org/826445.html .
blackhat

(politics, cats)

Too much time spent this morning trying to decide whether to subscribe to the new IFTTT service as set my own price point, so i went ahead and subscribed at the lowest price, comparable to one or two books (depending on the book). It's not my favorite freemium service: that would be airtable. But paying for airtable is nontrivial.

--== ∞ ==--

Marlowe was intimidated by Luigi this morning -- not sure that was Luigi's intent, but tiny Marlowe's low growl sounded like a fog horn. Luigi was attacked by Edward before 6 am, Edward's daily choice for rousting humans. And Marlowe continues to chase Edward. I am impressed at the circle of domination. Edward and Luigi, at least, spend hours close to each other napping. In general they get along. I thought Marlowe and Luigi were getting comfortable with each other....

Carrie has taken to showing up at hissy-fits to break them up. It's adorable.

Meanwhile, we've gone some time (a week or so) without inappropriate messes. Edward's insulin dose is significantly larger than his starting point, close to a dose for starting a human 6 times more massive. Maybe in a week or so we can consider removing one litter box.

--== ∞ ==--

I got called for a push poll last night. It was laughably biased. I suppose as an independent voter they expect to find someone who is not to the left of the Democratic party. They all but asked, "Biden has promised to eat babies and kill kittens, how will this affect your vote?"

Christine is fighting deep fears over the soon to be packed court. I find myself clinching my jaw frequently. We voted. We support groups that advocate for our values. We're not on the streets but i've supported those who are.

https://choosedemocracy.us/
This is also posted at https://elainegrey.dreamwidth.org/826327.html .
blackhat

(shopping, garden, cooking, depression )

Happy things:

Making a little desert to celebrate the ripe figs last week -- cutting out star shapes from bread, toasting with butter and sugar, a creamy spread from thickened Greek yogurt and honey, the rosy slices of fig on top. (There wasn't much fig.)

Beans from the garden! Radiccio/chicory has persisted.

My scarlet rose-mallow has bloomed - i planted the plant in April 2017. I think deer grazed on it a couple years and then last year the cutleaf coneflower overshadowed it.

Cucumber salad: cut up cucumber, ginger, and whole ground cherries with a little sour cream dressing.

Planted buckwheat seeds for microgreens and started bean sprouts.

Pondering kitchen purchases: I'm thinking about a "Julienne Peeler" -- it juliennes on one side, peels or slices thinly on the other. Theoretically, it's all stainless steel. The julienne function may keep me from buying a spiralizer, a temptation for years. On the other hand the Kuhn Rikon brand, a highly recommended peeler but with plastic, comes with little snap in cones to support making spirals. The spirals i would make would be from sweet potatoes or winter squash: i'm not sure that the little cones would be effective. Anyhow, much reading of random reviews.

I'm also tempted to buy a microplane grater that comes with a container. It too is plastic. I have one that i picked up at a yard sale years ago and the plastic has cracked, but it was very nice to have the ability to catch the shavings in the little cup. The one i am looking at doesn't have the design flaws that led to the cracked part. I dunno, kitchen gadgets.

Trying to work on spiraling out of depression not further in.
This is also posted at https://elainegrey.dreamwidth.org/825656.html .
blackhat

(mom and caa, garden, critter watch, depression)

Weather: YES, windows open all night Friday to Saturday. Carrie Dog is prancing and dancing around.

Figs: i picked the other three. These four formed early this spring, the breba crop. The rest... well they've six weeks before usual frost date.

Yesterday i tried to work outside all day but pooped-out early. I am so out of shape. I'd lost one of the wing nuts off the wheeled string trimmer, Mary Jane, and so we did a run to Lowes in the late afternoon. I bought a manual pole saw/pruner instead of waiting for the battery powered, chainsaw-on-a-stick, pole saw to come back in stock. While i will give it a "C" for ease of use and effectiveness, i suspect trees are a whole lot more safe. I did get to prune the tree over our frunt steps so it wasn't crowding the siding on the front porch. I look forward to some pruning on other trees, too.

We'll celebrate Mom's birthday today. Her gift, for which i paid accelerated shipping fees, is supposed to arrive by end of day. Again. I'm a bit miffed but ... whatever. Meanwhile, Fedex's form to get delivery notification needs more hinting about the acceptable format for a phone number.

I read Network Effect, The Murderbot Diaries, Book 5 by Martha Wells last night and early this morning. It had everything i liked about the first book, plus was more satisfying. I do not know why my library has book one and book five but not all the books in between.

--== ∞ ==--

So the gift arrived on Sunday apparently sixty minutes before i was supposed to arrive. Left at the end of the driveway. Which is just silly. I suppose i will begin pruning the driveway trees to make it clear that trucks can pass through.

But after the gathering i felt dull and teary. Very blue. I watched some Lucifer, then went outside and aggressively mowed the orchard, scalping away stiltgrass and goose grass colonies in hopes of a happy reseeding with fescue. The mowing of the orchard isn't as cognitively challenging as the high stilt grass, so i could cope. Monday i was in discomfort: unusual for me nausea, cramping, bloated.... I also was very blue.

Today is OK so far: work is gentle -- still data analysis -- and rewarding. Still easy to go into tears.
This is also posted at https://elainegrey.dreamwidth.org/825109.html .
blackhat

(cats, critter watch, dawg, garden, mom and caa)

I am watching the weather with bated breath: could the long weekend actually have low humidity? Dew points in the 60s? Even a dew point of 60°F? Today the humidity adds another 12°F to the temperature for the heat index.

There is a ripening fig on the fig tree. I am so tickled. And so many little baby figs. I ponder https://www.giverecipe.com/unripe-fig-jam/ for this year, recognizing how busy i was at frost last year with the last of the tomatoes, the hibiscus. This master gardener page suggests thinning figs in Sonoma; doing so myself would make green fig preserves a reasonable thing to do early. Anyhow, a ripe fig! (And, as i am taking forever to post this -- it was very ripe whien i picked it tonight (Wednesday). i gently pulled it in half and ate it. Very mild -- i think the wet weather caused it to be softer and less flavorful than i would have expected. Still: yay! Yum!)

The runner beans took in a few places along the orchard fence: i hope that those thrive next year. I had imagined i would also have them in the garden, but it seems they never quite made it this cool year. Other pole beans are just now blossoming, so maybe i'll have some beans yet. The most exciting bean news is the wild kidney bean, Phaseolus polystachios, native and perennial, has taken hold at the north end of the area where the sunchokes grow, undeterred by any chemical warfare (allelopathic effects) of Helianthus tuberosus.

The rain on Monday night knocked some of the sunchokes down, but a large Argiope aurantia guards the stand. Wikipedia validates my wariness. Apparently the bite is like a bee sting. If i wasn't irrationally afraid of spiders, i think i would admire these. I am trying to desensitize, but but but.

The little corner of native perennials is rounded out with some sochan, Rudbeckia laciniata. It's lovely forest wildflower, that grows large and tall like the sunchokes and other aster flowers, but the greens in the spring are the edible crop. I've some plants that have started inside the orchard that i want to move out as part of the Fight The Stilt Grass project. Apparently its not favored by deer, so perhaps some day all the plants will be moved out of the protected part of the garden.

I'm imagining making a trellis from the two twin bed springs of out old bed. Last weekend i calculated the angle i would need for good sun (our north slope property makes me so very aware of the angle of the sun) and the height of the supports. I'll need to survey the slope and add the fall of the ground to the height. I'm not sure how ugly the propped up end of the trellis would be as one approaches the house: a wall of sochan would be pleasant for almost half the year, and i think they could cope with the shade of the trellis.

I remembered my mother's birthday with plenty of time to mail order a dress for her: hopefully the higher quality will be something she can enjoy. She did not commonly wear dresses, and so her new invalid wardrobe of easy to put on pull over knit dresses tends towards the inexpensive and flimsy. She knew quality, through her sharp years, always buying classic items as they went on deep sale. I believe part of her distaste for these clothes is not just that they are dresses but also that they are not quality. I hope this sweater dress is something Dad can easily dress her in and that she finds comfortable and attractive.

Meanwhile, confirmation that all the cat messes we need to clean up are not from our diabetic cat Edward but many are from young Marlowe. I suspect there's a significant amount of territoriality playing out. ARGH.

And Carrie has decided she wants to sleep with us. She pants, which i assume is anxiety, but about what? One night we had five of the six of us in the household in the bed, and the one not in it is small Marlowe.
This is also posted at https://elainegrey.dreamwidth.org/824900.html .
blackhat

Dysfunction log

Spent all day coding Friday. I'm not certain it is the best thing for me: it's hard to track correlation vs causation. The seasonal quiet at work is pleasant, but perhaps i miss the sense of progress.

I called Mom and Dad after work while i had a beer: i really really didn't want to go outside. I'm struggling with some feelings around the plants -- i finally filled seed pots but haven't put seeds in them: i'm sending myself lots of negative messages around my plant stewardship that i should just stop.

Saturday had some ups and downs: i researched permitting requirements for building a shed. There's a question on the form whether we are in an overlay district. Best i can tell the only one overlay district is approved and all the others are in a proposed land use plan for the town in whose planning control we are in. Other than that i was happy to find that the main purpose of the permit is to identify where we are building something, so i don't need formal plans completed.

Sunday morning i wasted an hour before realizing my internet woes were due to a global issue by autonomous service AS3356, aka Level3 aka Centurylink. Part of that is because my work computer takes forever to reboot due with no internet connection and when my work computer is down and plugged into the hundred foot ethernet cable, the reflection crashes our router. (Support on that issue, "Huh, that would do it.") Now i've wasted another hour (at least) poking around to see the resolution.

We have struggled a bit but it appears we may have set up Microsoft's live.com to share calendars without forcing email on to us. It's a bit of de-Googling ourselves, and we were paying Microsoft for a family subscription anyhow.
This is also posted at https://elainegrey.dreamwidth.org/824688.html .