||[Feb. 11th, 2013|09:20 pm]
(Monday) It's a lovely cloudless day. I had plenty of sunshine pouring into my cube all morning, and now i can look out aon the sunlit parking lots and buildings, with urban trees lining streets and punctuating the lots. most are bare, although one west facing tree seems to have new green, while other broad leaved but evergreen trees have foliage with a slight red hue.
I stopped at the water feature this morning, but didn't see any birds but coots and an egret in the distance. No bufflehead or ruddy duck diving, no redhead or mergansers in the inlet, no mallards or Canadian geese.
In the evening there was a distant diving duck at the water feature. At the inlet there was a tiny diving bird. From my previous attempts to stalk it and get close enough to identify it, i have taken to calling it "the shy grebe." It seems very aware of my approach: the ripple-rings of the briefly surfacing bird create a connect the dots in a line that goes away from me. I try approaching from behind posts but it's a rather alert bird.
This morning i attended to go to the team meeting of another engineering director, but i could not will myself in front of the video screen at 7 am. If it had been a call i might have been able to do it. Shifting to east coast time before the weekend's travels is not a bad idea, but it's been so long since i've joined that conference call.... I just want to slip in the back row, and it's hard to do that when the video image is going to be only of yourself.
I had a wave of depression wash over me yesterday. In my surprise, i fought it off with a candy bar. Only after i'd consumed half of the sugar drug did i remember i was using coffee instead. I have tried talking to the psychiatrist about the caffeine use and depression. Instead of a collaborator in solving my body's chemical mysteries, i feel i am talking to a basic reference resource. "We recommend that caffeine consumption be cut," yadda yadda yadda, instead of investigating the observations.
I wonder about seeing an endocrinologist recommended by my somatic experiencing therapist at some point. She had recommended it when i described how well i have felt when on prednisone. I've had the usual thyroid tests, and i think the main thing my Evidence Driven Care clinical system cares about is diabetes.